Welcome to this conversation

No Strangers - Episode 3: Opting in to Wonder, Return to Love. Van Jones was quoted: “When it gets hard to love, love harder.” But how? That’s where wonder comes in. We are all taught to be afraid of strangers and even parts of ourselves that don’t fit in to our understanding of how the world works. Wondering reminds us that we don’t know it all, and gives us information for how to love when it gets hard.

Episode 3: Opting in to Wonder, Return to Love

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Is there a limit, a point at which you can say, “I already know everything I need to know about you?” A situation in which you are justified in leaving someone as a stranger, not a neighbor, no longer worthy of your wonder?

Watch Valerie Kaur’s 2017 TEDWomen talk. The portion used here is 11:00-14:25. 

She asks us to wonder about those who we see as enemies. “If some of us begin to wonder about them, listen even to their stories, we learn that participation in oppression comes at a cost. It cuts them off from their own capacity to love.” Valerie Kaur

A question to ponder: Picture the people who pop in your mind as you hear these questions. Reserve judgement, of them or of yourself for your feelings, just consider them, so that you might wonder about them. 

Who have you not yet tried to love? Who have you dismissed without wondering about who they are inside and why? Who have you let be less than human?

Jesus followed the ancient Jewish tradition of seeing no strangers and, in fact, strengthened the teaching. 

“Love your neighbor as you love yourself.” Ancient Judaism, Leviticus 19.18; Jesus, Matthew 22.39 and others; Early church, Romans 13.9, Galatians 5.14, James 2.8   AND

“You have heard it said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you.’”  Jesus, Matthew 5.43-44


What is your definition of love? Is its connection with romantic love making it hard for you to wonder about someone you don’t like? Someone you see as a stranger? 

By asking you to wonder about another you are not expected to ACCEPT, TOLERATE, RESPECT, SUPPORT, CONDONE, APPROVE OF, or FORGET what they have done, said or believe. You aren’t even expected to LIKE them. 

Pause to wonder about another person in order to see them as a HUMAN BEING.


Wonder STARTS SMALL.

2 kinds of wonder towards others:

  • The ‘too big’ kind that makes too big of leaps for our understanding, it asks things like, “Why did you do that?”

  • A ‘right-sized’ kind that wants to understand, “Who are you?” It starts with simple wonderings like:

    • I wonder what you will have for dinner.

    • I wonder what is in your heart when you put your child to bed at night.

    • I wonder what you think and feel when you see a sunset.

    • I wonder what it would be like to play a game of Cribbage with you, or speak to you in your own language.

Wonder has no AGENDA, except to have its eyes opened to the other person’s way of seeing the world and themselves. It has no time limit, schedule or particular path that must be followed.

Wonder often starts with ONESELF. Your ability to truly wonder about anyone else will be limited by how much you are able to wonder about yourself?


Watch Fabric collaborator, Joe Davis’ spoken word poem, “Tell Me, Who is Your Everyone?” (Learn more about Joe or support his work at JoeDavisPoetry.com or Patreon.com/JoeDavisPoetry)


Two thoughts to consider:

  • When I dismiss someone else’s humanity and can no longer wonder about them I can justify any form of inhumanity towards them, including violence.

  • When I dismiss someone else’s humanity, I am also in some way lose part of my own.

Wonder is the Wellspring of Love! - Valerie Kaur

Practice for this week:

Pause to notice those who may pass by you as strangers (even parts of yourself, or of the natural world) and wonder about them as we introduced last week, “Uncle, auntie, sister, brother, mother, father, friend… You are part of me I do not yet know.” 

And then add this question to your thought, “I wonder…” and wonder something simple and non-judgmental. Like, 

  • I wonder what you will have for dinner tonight. 

  • Where you will sleep, 

  • what it is like to have been a mineral deposit deep beneath the earth for millions of years

  • to have been part of a cloud, a glacier, a river before you entered this cup that I will refresh my body with.

  • I wonder what fills you with joy.

“Make your everyone…everyone. No strangers, only neighbors, parts of yourself you do not yet know. It is a dream, a dream our world needs, that you need, and that you can start to realize.”

More Resources…

Click HERE for a Group discussion guide.

Click HERE for our “Opting in to Wonder” Spotify playlist.