Pause. Act. Learn. Repeat: Angie O'Leary

Where have you seen this rhythm: pause, act, learn, repeat, played out in your experience this past week?

From Angie O’Leary

Pause: How am I fitting into what is happening in this world? As a white woman who is differently abled, I could choose to self-identify as a person with a disability but I’m not sure I fit that mold and perhaps that further marginalizes me. I don’t identify with any group. All my life I’ve been told - Angie I don’t see you as different. The unspoken part of this message is that it is bad to be different, there is something inherently wrong with being different. I have lived through people staring at me, excluding me, thinking I must be stupid, deciding for themselves that I can’t do things without first knowing me and my abilities. I have survived medical trauma and the resulting medical PTSD. There is no one in my life who can relate. I’m not saying this to detract from the current racial divide in this country. I am not saying that I have lived the same struggles or discrimination as people of color have experienced. I am saying it because I understand how terrible it is to live in a world that does not fully accept you for you. It is tiring to have to prove yourself again and again as equal again. I am saying because I stand in solidarity with the Black Lives Matter movement.

Act: What am I doing about it? Last night my family went to a George Floyd march. Ryan and Eli were off doing something and so I found a grassy area for Lucas to crawl. A black man saw some litter on the ground and began cleaning up the area so Lucas didn’t put it in his mouth. I also saw a few pieces and followed suit. We both headed toward the garbage with the black man leading the way. I held Lucas in my right arm and the litter in my left hand. When the man turned around he offered to take the litter from me by holding out his hand. He was expecting me to easily drop it in his hand, as most people would. If you have ever watched me release an item from my left hand you know that it takes me a little longer and often I have to guide it out with my right hand. This man had no choice but to watch and wait while I dropped the litter in his hand. He was forced to slow down and notice me. I watched him quickly process through a lot of uncomfortable feelings people have when they see me. I could see the light bulb turn on.

Learn: How am I different and growing?  For a long time I have struggled with how to reach out to people of color who are my acquaintances and people of color who I have never met to let them know that I see them, not just from the lens of a white woman but from the lens of somebody who all to well knows what it is like to be marginalized. There is no easy answer, but this man showed me it can be done. I could tell he noticed that I wasn’t just another white woman but I was another marginalized human being who knew what it was like to be discriminated against. He then did what I have wanted to do but didn’t know how without feeling like I was somehow contributing to racism by singling someone out. After disposing of the litter he came back and engaged in conversation to say I also see you. 

Repeat: The cycle continues. Again, I do not share this to take away from the Black Lives Matter movement. I say this in solidarity as a person from one marginalized group to another. A united front is more powerful than a divided people. Together we shall overcome.