Learning the F Word: Why the F Word is Bad (9/8/19)

HERE’S THE INFORMATION ABOUT OUR GATHERING ON 9/8 FOR THOSE LOOKING TO FIND THE MUSIC WE USED, TO REFLECT ON THE CONTENT, OR TO LEARN MORE ABOUT HOW WE STRUCTURE OUR GATHERINGS. ENJOY!

Raising children with an openness for diversity and inclusion.

On Sunday we held Open Space discussions related to how we can be Fabric, in ways that are inclusive and supportive to all humans.  There were a number of groups that raised questions about families and kids.  I know that as my kids were small, I felt like I was never equipped as well as I wanted to be and often avoided conversations because I was worried about not have the ‘right’ answer or that I would say something to my kids that would end up to be hurtful or offensive.  One of the best ways I found to begin conversations that seemed big or challenging was with books.  There are so many great books out that help introduce gender diversity, pronouns, and all the different ways that families can be!  On Sunday we used books as a way for kids to dig into the same conversations as the adults, in age-appropriate ways!

Click HERE for a list of great books with descriptions

Futurescapes: Digital Photography with Layne Kennedy

On Sunday, April 28, we had the privilege of welcoming acclaimed photographer Layne Kennedy to help us see the futurescape through the lens of digital photography.  Maybe that doesn't sound particularly spiritual,  but it's less a out the craft of digital photography than what it represents. Catching a shot or video on your phone has snuck up on us as film and cameras have faded away so quickly, yet almost silently, and we miss the revolution within it. What it reminds us of is less about pictures than a futurescape that could be and maybe already is. Now that is reason to have hope!

Check out Layne’s photos that were shared here:

The power of a better question

As part of our small ‘t’ truth conversation we’ve come around once again to the power of a better question. What makes a “better” question anyway? Let’s explore one take on it…

Whether it's with friends, family, kids, colleagues or our fellow citizens, we are practiced at asking questions full of opinions and agendas. How can you believe that? Or a couple of my favorite parenting questions, Why did you do that? and Did you [fill in mom’s agenda here] yet? While these may temporarily give me a sense of satisfaction, they also create defensiveness, secrecy and probably some shame in my kids! What I really want to foster are courage, conviction and connection.

So, if “better” could mean more HONEST questions that OPEN up new connections to learning, to each other and to our deeper convictions, I’m in! What are we talking about here? In brief:

Open questions: create discovery and new territory to explore; many possible answers. What are some experiences that have shaped your beliefs?

Closed questions: invite quick, yes/no answers, narrow the field, stifle discovery Did you feel sheltered growing up in a small town?

Honest questions: no answers I hope or expect to hear, trust and invite the wisdom in others to speak. What options have you considered?

Not so honest questions: Leading, I know what I want or expect to hear, may be tainted with cultural assumptions, advice-in-disguise. How do you feel about going to college?

Asking open and honest questions is harder and more powerful than we think.  We need low stakes, relaxed chances to practice. Below are 3 ideas for ways to try it, mess up, talk about it and try again!

ONE: Practice on yourself, in writing. Take an issue where you feel a little stuck and write out a Q & A, trying out questions on yourself as if someone else was asking you.

TWO: Over dinner with a friend or your family what if you just talked about it? “So when people need support or help talking something through, I feel like I could get better at asking helpful questions. What do you think makes a helpful or less helpful question?” Come up with examples together and talk about times with others that you’ve been on the receiving end of open & honest versus closed & not-so-honest questions. How did that feel? Admit that you want to grow in asking better questions and invite them to let you know when it might be time to question your question.

THREE: Here’s an exercise to do with a group…

1. Someone be the askee. Think of a lower stakes decision you are facing. (Maybe an invitation or request you’ve received, plans you are making, changes or purchases you are considering, a minor problem that needs to be addressed…)

2. Explain the decision to your Listener/Question Asker(s)

3. Listener/Question Asker(s) - listen attentively; then take a minute to jot down some ideas for open and honest questions.

4. Start asking! Try out your questions.

5. Hear a question that seems not so open and honest? Time to question your question? Call “PICKLES!” Share why, talk about it for a moment. Then keep going, keep messing up, keep learning.

6. Switch roles.

Have fun practicing!

Care IQ Reminders

Some situations go beyond regular friendship and care. They aren't going to be fixed. When you think you might be in a Care IQ situation, here are some key tools:

• Learn to ask, "What's my role?"

• Determine your boundaries. What can and can't, could and shouldn't you do? You aren't responsible for the other person's outcome.

• Listen. Not to fix or to fit them into your world of experience, but to understand their situation from their perspective; how they see/feel it. Validate Feelings, ask questions to better understand, ask 'What could I do that would be helpful to you today?'

• Widen the circle of care. Involve professionals, friends, family, employer, whoever seems appropriate. Check out Mental Health Connect as a starting point to help you connect to the most appropriate resources.